eBook – Funny Ways Cats Train Humans

Discover the sneaky and funny ways cats train humans. Laugh at the funny cat quotes and cat sayings about humans throughout the book.

This hilarious cat book covers the critical issues for cats to have a blissful life with their humans.


ebook about cats training humans

Chapter 1

Why Cats Train Humans

Because we can!!

Before I go into specific ways cats train you, it is necessary to understand what human training is all about.

What is human training?

According to a thing called a dictionary, it is education, instruction, and discipline of humans.

These 3 instructions will ensure that you, loyal human servants (LHS) perform your duties correctly.

We call you loyal human servants with loads of affection.

Some of you have learnt quickly; however, others may have needed more intensive training. And unfortunately, some of you will need retraining throughout your life.

Be rest assured, retraining does not hurt.

Some say human training by cats is manipulation.

That is absolutely wrong.

We cats just realise you need training to serve us up to our high standards.


It was written long ago, cats control humans. Even the Egyptians, centuries ago were under the control of cats.

We were, in fact, worshipped as Gods. It was written in the Cat Constitution. So human training is right for cats to do.

The ways we train you are not evil. Well, maybe just a little. It is just the way life should be.

Most methods are actually funny and when we find a new way we meow it to our friends.

Dear humans, please note we keep a keen eye out for any of you who tries to control us. Or try and turn the tables and train us. This is not right, and it will never be tolerated.

That said, if you have been excellent, we allow you to have control for 30 minutes every 3 years.

Cats Command.  Humans Obey. This is my motto.

There are many benefits for cats when we successfully train you.

They include:

Total control over our domain.

Whether we live in an apartment or a house with acres of land, all are classified as our domains.

To be useful as loyal human servants, you need to follow our commands. They are not complicated, and if followed, you will enjoy a blissful life with your cats.

Peace of mind.

When humans have been successfully trained, cats never have to worry if they make a mistake. This is because we know you will feel guilty that you caused us to slip up occasionally.

Minimal cost to us.

At times during human training, we may wish to reward you to encourage continued excellent behaviour. The small price we pay is an occasional purr, meow or slow eye blink.

It might even be that we allow you to have more space in your bed. And not have to sleep right on the edge of a king-size bed.

It might even be that we allow you to have more space in your bed. And not have to sleep right on the edge of a king-size bed.

We are happy to pay this small price.

Makes you better loyal human servants.

Training success means you will anticipate our needs and demands with no fuss.

Now you understand why we should train you it is time to look at the first step.




Overview & Preview


This hilarious cat book covers the critical issues for cats to have a blissful life with their humans:

  • What is human training and the benefits, such as the minimal cost to cats.
  • Read what cats call the first meeting with potential human servants. And the crucial questions cats consider before selecting their humans.
  • Discover the cat opinions on how cats establish their ground rules with humans. Charlie The Burmese Cat shares his personal ground rule story when he was a 10-week old kitten.
  • See what the right food choices and training are. Read how Sofie and Max share the hilarious ways they trained their humans.
  • Laugh at the human bedroom habits cats will not tolerate.

From human toilet training, entertainment training to ensuring unacceptable visitors (intruders) never enter a cat’s home again. Charlie The Burmese Cat covers all the important areas of a cat’s life with humans.

The Funny Ways Cats Train Humans eBook is for all cat-loving humans. It is best enjoyed with your cat sitting on your lap.

See sample pages below.

Sample Pages

Ultimate Cat Guide - Table of contents
Ultimate Cat Guide - Selecting Your Humans

Any new or seasoned cat owner should do themselves a service and purchase this eBook on a cat’s opinion on training their human slaves.

It’s a hilarious and a truly enjoyable read. And it is also a true account of what really happens as we are being dictated to by our feline family member.

As a first-time cat owner, this eBook gave me tremendous insight into my cat’s strategies around his crazy food habits and cat litter tray shenanigans, not to mention meowing tactics.

Finally, I feel like I may have the upper hand due to this read do a huge thank you.

Tanya Edwards

I must admit, I read this very funny eBook with my cat sitting on my lap. I found the sleep training and human habits not acceptable, especially funny.

I now know why my cat follows me into the kitchen, and yes, he has used his skills to get more food.

This eBook is a great read, and if you are a cat lover, it is for you.

Keith Rogers

Get it Now!

Start laughing while cuddling with your cat. Learn their secret and sometimes not so subtle ways they train you to ensure enjoy a delightful life together.


ebook about cats training humans

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