All is not lost if you have needy human servants, my feline friends.
There is help at hand.
You do not have to put up with this outrageous behaviour. Or leave your domain.
Here are my top tips to retrain your needy humans.
First give them your best stare. They will know you mean business.
Now I know many of you do this regularly. But this method has specific guidelines. First, you need to ignore your needy humans for at least one week. Do not answer them when they talk to you or call you.
Total silence. Not even one purr.
If, after one week, they are still behaving in this manner, do the silent treatment for one more week. This treatment should be enough to get them to change their behaviour.
You can still wake your humans up at 5 am to be fed and meow at them for dinner. Then go back to silence.
Get more personal space.
If your needy humans are space invaders and want to be next to you all the time, there is a solution.
Select a new closet for privacy. Preferably one with shelves, so young needy humans can’t climb up to your private space. You need to make sure the closet space can only fit you. I have heard some humans try and get next to you in the closet if there is room. For extra fun, try out a new wardrobe each week until the humans learn not to be space invaders.
Do not show approval.
Some needy humans always seek your consent. It can be annoying, especially when you are in the middle of peeing or eating.
To retrain your humans, hiss at them every time they do this for five days. Or to mess with their heads more, hiss at them at different times, so they get confused.
Let them lick you.
This gross behaviour is because needy humans want to be like you. So, let them lick you for three days. After this time, especially if you have long hair will be enough as they will get hairballs and vomit.
Do not let them photograph or video you without permission.
Now while it can be flattering to have photos taken, it must be when you want it. And not all the time. For two weeks, every time they attempt this when you do not want it to happen, close your eyes when they take the shot. For videos, show them your backside with your tail up.
These two ways will send them into a frenzy as they will not have something to post on social media 24 hours a day. Trust me; they will learn to take photos or shoot videos when it pleases you.
I hope my feline friends these tips will help you retrain your needy human servants to return to being loyal free human servants.